When will you be back ?
by i forgot my tampon
Summary: AU. Dean's about to meet Castiel, Ellen's new husband's son, he's going to deal with feelings he's never had before,okay sorry i suck at sumarries, hum i don't know how to do this
1. Chapter 1

**okay, so this is my first fanfic ever, and uh, i don't really know what i'm doing sooo, yeah, uh, it's not BETA'd i'm not even sure what it means, so all mistakes are my own ? **

**uh it'd be nice if you reviewed, but do whatver you want, idk**

Dean Winchester always hated family events such as birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They only were awkward, and reminded him how unhappy he was.

When he was 14, Dean's mother was murdered and raped by some random perv.

It was November second, and Mary was coming home from the grocery store when she was cornered by a middle-aged trucker. Being raised by a cop she thought it'd be wise to put up a fight, but the training she had gotten from her father was no match to the murderer's brutality, he started punching her, she tried to fight back and she quickly fell on the hard concrete, blinded by rage the man continued hitting her, making almost all of her facial bones break. she was dead. Furious he wondered how dare she die, this bitch, he didn't tell her she could, well she deserved dying, the filthy whore. He unzipped his zipper, his cock was already hard. Once he was finished raping her, he just left her lifeless in a dark alley. Of course the cops never found that pig , he had made a great job at disappearing into thin air. They always do.

The first four-month after his wife's death, John couldn't believe she was gone, he stayed up all night in the living room, waiting for his beloved wife to come home, smiling with groceries in her hands, kissing him tenderly, as if nothing had happened. She never came back. After he realised that Mary was gone for good, the widower slowly fell into alcoholism, abandoning his sons. Nobody ever saw him without a drink in his hand ever again.

Not long after Mary's homicide, Dean had no choice but take care of his eleven year old brother, Sam. He'd cook dinner when his father was out somewhere drinking whichever alcohol he could put his hand on, he'd comfort him when he woke up in the middle of the night, crying and screaming because of a nightmare he had, and he'd make sure Sammy did his homework so he could still have a bright future. Doing all that he forgot to take care of himself.

At that point, Bobby Singer, John's oldest friend, started taking care of the brothers, dropping and picking them up from school, making sure the fridge was always full. He'd sometimes stay over at night. He, of course, wasn't there all the time, how could he, he still owned a garage and had to work. So his wife, Jodie, and his 17-year-old son, Ash, came over once in while, to check on them, making sure they had everything they needed.

But on November second , exactly one year after Mary Winchester died, John killed himself, cutting his wrists open, letting his blood slowly flow out of his body, hoping to join Mary in heaven.

The saddest thing was that Dean and Sam were almost glad about his death, they barely even saw the man anymore and when they did, he was either drunk or washitting them, blaming them for their mother's death or anything bad that had ever happened to him. They didn't love the sad excuse of a father that John was anymore.

After John's suicide, Bobby and Jodie adopted the Winchesters. It seemed like the best thing to do, none of them wanted the boys to be separated in a shitty social system.

But here he was, crying alone in his bed thinking about how his life had gotten so fucked up, all because of some horny son of a bitch, the night before Christmas eve. Though he'd never admit it to anyone, even less to Sammy, he had to be strong, for both of them, because he was all Sam had left, and he had to make sure he never got hurt again. And even if it was all already three years ago, Sammy still needed his big brother. Well technically he was taller than Dean now, thanks to puberty, but he still looked up to his brother.

And tomorrow he'd have to spend the night with his adoptive family and their friends pretending that he wasn't sad or completely broken inside. Sure, he loved his adoptive family, but dinners like that usually reminded him of when his mom was still alive and John was still a loving father.

Oh well, tomorrow would at least be interesting, Ellen Harvelle, Bobby's best friend, would be there with her new husband, a certain Morgan Novak, she had met two month ago in Boston, she said it was "love at first sight", yeah right. Even her daughter Jo had only seen the guy once, and he apparently had three kids him and Bobby would have to go pick up at the airport tomorrow morning and they'd be staying at Bobby's for a week and go back to Boston after that. But that was all he knew about the man.

He just hoped one of them was a hot teenage girl, so he could make the best out of it and have sex. Yeah, that would be good. And it wouldn't be too hard to get her in his pants. Honestly, Dean was hot, no girl could ever resist him, all he had to do was say one or two pick up lines, grin and lick his lips and they were instantly his.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was 9 am and Bobby, Jodie, Ash and Sam were having pancakes and bacon for breakfast when Bobby yelled

"Balls ! What time is it Ash ?"

"9, why ?"

"Dean and I gotta got get the kids at the airport and we have to be there at 9.40, Sammy, is your brother up ? "

"Naaah, I think he's still asleep"

"Idjit ! Go wake him up boy, tell him if he's not here in 15 minutes imma put my foot up his ass"

Sam ran up to Dean's room, slammed the door open, jumped on Dean's bed and ripped the sheets off of it, screaming

"Wake up princess !"

"What the fuck Sammy ?! Let me sleep"

"Dude, you have to get the Novak's at the airport in like 40 minutes, and if you're not down stairs in 15, Bobby is gonna whoop your ass. So get your ass of that bed and put your make up on, you look like shit man"

"Leave, bitch"

"Jerk"

When Sam finally got out of the room, Dean painfully got out of his bed, and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Once he was there, he looked at himself in the mirror, he had huge dark circles under his eyes, that were still puffy and red from crying in his sleep, nothing unusual, his hair was a mess, pointing everywhere, his lips were so chapped he wondered how they hadn't fallen off his face yet.

Damn, Sammy WAS right, he looked like hell, but nothing a good old freezing shower wouldn't take care of, well except the lips, he didn't really care anyways, he knew it was part of his charm. When he was clean and dry, he quickly put an AC/DC shirt on and a pair of jeans and then ran downstairs to have some coffee

"Come on ya idjit, we have to go now if we don't wanna be late"

Bobby yelled from the front door. Dean chugged what was left of his coffee, burning his throat doing so, took the keys to the Impala and went outside

"I'll drive on the way back Dean"

"What, no, why ? You know I don't like when someone else drives my baby, you wanna fucking kill me ?"

Dean whined as he was getting in what use to be his father's car, a '67 black Chevy Implala, the only good thing he left behind.

"Now watch your tongue young man, and I wont put their lives in your hands, I might trust you with Sam's, but not with anyone else's, remember when you crashed in that tree last year ? I hope you do, because you were in the hospital for four days"

"Ugh, whatever Bobby"

The drive was quiet, but Dean couldn't stop wondering what they would look like, and if he'd get along well with them, and of course if there'd be a hot chick. But he was also nervous to meet them, and the fact that he knew nothing about them didn't help at all. Really they'd have to spend the next week together, what if they didn't get along well ? that'd just be awful and fucking annoying.

they finally got to the airport, and Dean asked the one question that had been torturing his mind

"So, how are we gonna know it's them ?"

"Well, all I know is that there's a ginger, a blond and a black-haired one, so it shouldn't be too hard, right ?"

As soon as Bobby finished his sentence a dark spot caught Dean's left eye, so he turned to see what it was, and he saw the weirdest and most handsome guy he'd ever seen. He usually never admitted that he thought guys could be hot, like Dr sexy M.D. or Chris Evans, but that guy… was different, he just couldn't help himself.

He was about his age, he had dark brown hair, almost black and they were so messy, god it looked like he'd fucked someone hard in the plane's bathroom (the thought of that made his stomach stir a bit, which was… weird) and his eyes, god damn it how could they possibly be THAT blue, they made him want to helplessly drown in them -oh my god, did he REALLY just say that, what a girl-, his lips were almost as chapped and pink as Dean's were, which if he hadn't seen it himself he wouldn't have believed it. He was also wearing some kind of weird beige trench coat with some kind of suit and a tie, all arranged in an elaborated mess, he just looked so awkward and cute -cute ? Really ?! REALLY ?!-. Gosh he didn't really know what to think anymore, he felt weirdly attracted to him but didn't know how or why, he felt as if he didn't have a choice, shit, he didn't want to be, well hopefully he'd never have to talk to him, he was just a random stranger.

Just then, his sapphire eyes met Dean's emerald ones, locking into a long gaze, as if they were looking deep into each other's souls, the guy, slightly bobbing his head to the right. Dean's heartbeat was rising considerably, his vision was blurring, his palms were becoming sweaty and he felt himself flush, fuck, the way he looked at him, like he knew every single thing Dean had ever done or thought, he just couldn't hold the gaze any longer, he HAD to look away. Only then he noticed the redhead and the blond, sitting next to him.

Shit


	2. Chapter 2

**okay so, this is chapter 2, obviously, and i guess i'll update kind of regularly, but yeah, thanks for the follows and stuff, it's nice :) uh, okay i'm sorry **

**enjoy**

"I think I found them, over there"

He said, pointing at the three kids sitting on a bench, his voice sounded weirdly rough and unusual, probably because that guy was still staring at him. But Bobby didn't seem to notice, or just didn't care, so he went out of the car to greet the Novak's with a warm smile.

Dean, him, was paralyzed, he couldn't move, god, he really wanted to, but he didn't find the strength to even slightly move a muscle, it was like learning about his mother's death all over again, just thinking about-

"Ya coming Dean ?"

Bobby's voice made him jump, he had scared the shit out of him and his heart was still pounding hard against his chest, fuck. He did his best to calm himself, putting his thoughts, or whatever they were, about that boy far away in his mind, put a dashing smile on his face, like he usually did most of the time, and opened the door.

There was a girl, she had fiery red hair, and green eyes almost as deep as Dean's, they were looking at him so intensely, he couldn't help but think of the brother's blue eyes… Damn ! Apparently the staring at people thing was some kind of a family tradition, great. Her skin looked smooth and was as pale as porcelain. She seemed so graceful and feminine.

"Hey, I'm Anna, nice to meet you, Dean, right ?"

She said, pulling him into a tight hug. Wow, she smelled like peaches and mangoes, and her voice was so soft , and strong and vulnerable at the same time, how was that even possible ?

"Yeah, Dean, nice to meet you too"

"This is Gabriel, my younger brother"

"Hey Dean-o"

The small blond guy said. He had a lollipop stuck in his mouth but still managed to put a devilish grin on his face. He already felt like he wouldn't like the guy, great.

"Hey Gabe"

Then, the pale, blue-eyed boy came closer to Dean, until their faces were only a few inches apart, he once again looked deeply in the green eyes

"Hello Dean, I'm Castiel"

Dean was already out of breath just because of his closeness, and why did he have to say his fucking name, it sounded so.. right, said by Castiel, it gave him all kind of different feelings and shivers all over his body. His voice was so deep and rough and sexy and god damn it his whole body was shut down for a few seconds, he even forgot how to speak, crap, dean was never caught of guard like that, at least not since… Fuck, now he felt like crying, he fought the upcoming tears putting his walls back up and managed to say a lousy

"hum, erm hey, I… uh, yeah, hi"

Shit, he hoped nobody had seen his internal breakdown, otherwise he'd probably have to grow a mustache and go hide in Mexico

"Don't worry Dean-o, Cassie here has a small problem with personal space, you'll get use to it"

"Okay, so I got all the suitcases in the trunk, by the way thanks for your help Dean, I really appreciate it. We should probably go now, unless you want to stay here all day."

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The drive back was horrible. Dean was sitting in front, Bobby was driving (already annoying Dean) and Anna, Gabriel and Castiel were in the back seat. Anna was going on about her school, or maybe boyfriend, he didn't know, he wasn't really listening to her, he only vaguely heard her, he still nodded and smiled when she looked at him, but a part from that he had no clue what the girl was saying

Because seriously, how could he hear what she had to say when he could feel 2 big blue eyes on him ? In a normal situation he would've listened and taken part to the conversation, but right now, he couldn't.

Because when Castiel was staring at him, it made a feeling stir inside of him, he couldn't quite put his finger on which one it was, hell, he didn't even know if it made him feel good or bad, he only knew that he had butterflies in his stomach and that he felt exposed, like the boy could see what Dean truly was (that wasn't possible right ? RIGHT ?) and it was bad, because what he truly was, was just a broken depressive teenager on the verge of being suicidal, like his father.

Yet, a part of him liked that, because it meant he could burst into tears without worrying about his reaction, Castiel would only take him in his arms and hug him, without even saying anything, letting him cry all the tears of his body, and then he'd be fixed, he wouldn't be sad anymore.

Plus, whenever he looked at the rearview mirror their eyes met, and he'd look in those baby blue eyes, only locking their eyes for a few seconds, immediately blushing having to look quickly look away.

A lump had even started forming in his throat, he tried to swallow it but his efforts were vain.

"-and we use to bake pies all the time, we could do one for you Dean, what kind of pie do you like ?"

Shit.

Again.

He remembered he wasn't alone with Castiel and he had no idea what Anna was asking him, he cleared his throat, trying to find something to say without sounding suspicious (suspicious ? why would he sound suspicious, he didn't do anything wrong did he ?) and all he could come with was a lousy

"hmmm yeah"

"Dean, I asked you what kind of pie you liked"

"oh yeah, right, I know, uh I like any kind of pie as long as it's good"

Anna looked out of the window with a frown on her face and crossing he arms, she had been talking to him for the last 10 minutes and realised he hadn't listened to a word of it. Great, she probably hated him now, this was so not going on as he expected it.

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When they got home he asked Jodie if she needed help with anything, she said she was fine for now, so he went to his room.

He let himself fall on his bed, god, he felt so much better already. Well, better in the sense he didn't have to put a mask on his face. His room was the one place where he could just let his emotions show, and no one ever came in without knocking, because if they did they'd immediately regret it. It was his safe place.

Dean laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling and wondering why this all had to happen to him, he already had a hard time hiding his feelings from every body, even from him sometimes, and that Castiel guy had to show up and it was like… like he couldn't hold back his thoughts in public anymore. He just wished he coul-

there was a soft knock on the door, shit, he quickly put his happy face back on

"yeah ?"

he saw the dark-haired boy open the door and stand under the door frame, looking awkward and cute, wait, no, not cute. He was also so straight and serious, which might be turning him on a bit ? no, it couldn't be, he was a dude.

"Hello Dean, excuse me if I'm disturbing you but I was told I was to room with you until the holidays are over"

"Uh yeah, urm, sure, you can, like, there's only one bed, I don't know what we're supposed to do about that, uh"

god, he sounded like a teenager talking to her crush, why couldn't he behave normally around Castiel ?

"Do not worry Dean, Bobby gave me a mattress to put on the floor, I shall sleep there"

"No it's fine, I can sleep on the floor, take the bed, I'd feel bad if you had to sleep down there, after all you are a guest"

Dean really didn't want to sleep on the floor, nor did he want to sleep in the same room as Castiel, or anyone else as a matter a fact, but he was polite and knew better than just leave a guest sleep on the cold, dirty floor (even if he had a mattress). He'd be willing to sacrifice himself for a little week, anyways, did he really have a choice ?

"It is not necessary Dean, I am the one disturbing your routine"

This wasn't going to be easy

"You know what, we'll just alternate one day it's you, the other it's me, how does that sound ? And tonight you'll sleep in the bed because you just took a plane and I don't have to explain myself, it's my god damn bed okay"

He said, looking terrified, he always had a "small" problem with planes

"As you wish Dean"

It didn't really looked like he had another choice anyways, he'd just have to go with it. The boy just stood there, looking at dean, blue meeting green for the hundredth time today. Which made his blood rush to his cheeks once again, he tried not to look away, keeping there eyes locked, but he only managed to keep it for a minute that felt like an eternity. He cleared his throat, hoping it would make Castiel look away, but it didn't work, great.

"Well hum, i'm gonna go help Jodie or something, so, erm, i'll let you put your stuff, uh wherever, yeah"

he quickly went to the door but the boy was still standing in front of it

"Cas, could you get out of the way ?"

he said, a little bit frustrated, then he realised just how close he was from him, they were meer inches apart, he could feel his hot breath on his cheek, the body warmth coming from Castiel, making his dick twitch, his full parted lips waiting for his, if he leaned in just a little their lips would be touching, maybe if he ju-

"what did you call me ?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hmm ?"

Dean was too lost in his mind to realise he had called Castiel Cas, crap, the fuck was wrong with him (also was he just thinking about kissing him? And was he half-hard right now !? Noooo that couldn't be possible, he didn't swing that way, or did he...)

"You called me Cas"

"Oh yeah, right, well your name is kind of a mouthful, you know, but i can call you Castiel if you want"

"No, it's fine. I like Cas, it's... different from Cassie"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

They were all sitting at the table and had just finished the dessert, all the adults were mildly drunk and talking politics, which was never a good mix. It had been a long dinner, as usual.

At least opening the gifts had been fun, kind of. Sam had gotten Dean some kind of necklace with a weird golden head on it, it had made him more happy than he'd ever admit. Castiel had gotten a playboy magazine from Gabriel, making everyone die of laughter, except their dad, he was kind of weird, super religious and everything, they had to say grace because of him. They never really believed on God, except Sam, so they weren't really used to it, and he asked if he could pray, so they said yes, you can't really refuse something like that right ?

Of course Castiel and Dean hadn't stopped eye fucking, yes, eye fucking, at least that's what it looked like, always looking at each other, Dean always the one to look away and blush every time. He did made his best to try and be the one to hold the stare, but he never could, it was like Cas wasn't even human. Dean also checked him out when he thought the guy was looking away, but he always got caught, and quickly turned his face, still catching a glimpse of Castiel's eye.

He was even starting to wonder if the others had noticed the quiet exchanges, he hoped they hadn't, and if they had, they wee making an awesome job at not mentioning it

Dean was getting tired, probably because of all the staring with Castiel, the harsh glances he was still getting from Anna and the goddamn stupid jokes Gabriel was making.

This week promised to be long and painful.

"I think I'll go sleep now, g'night"

Dean set while he was getting u from his really uncomfortable chair

"Already ? Come on Dean, it's not even midnight yet"

Bobby said, obviously looking hurt, he knew it was rough for the guy during this time of year. He had always tried to make him feel better, but seemed to fail miserably each time. John had been his friend for so long, but he hated him for what he had done to the kids, sure, he couldn't really blame him, he had lost his wife, but if he had just tried to be there for his kids, he wasn't the only one that got hurt when Mary died, but it seemed like he had stopped loving them.

Even though Sam was doing okay, Dean was always a bit off, he didn't really enjoy life anymore, and even if he thought the mask he'd put on was hiding all his feelings, all the people close to him could see so clearly through it. Whenever Bobby tried to get through and talk to him, Dean would just push him away, and lock himself in his mind again.

"I know,but I'm like, 3 seconds away from falling asleep"

And as he finished his sentence, he went to his room, everyone at the table following him with their eyes

When he got to his room he took his pants and shirt off, and fell on the bed, exhausted from the dinner, the pretending to be happy to be there and just his life in general. Also Castiel.

He still couldn't understand why the dude kept looking at him, he knew he was hot, but usually people tried to be subtle about it. And how did he, Dean fucking Winchester , actually looked back into the blue abyss that were his eyes, his hands were still shaking at the closeness of his body a few hours ago, god, his face, his lips.

Fuck.

He had told Castiel he could sleep in his bed tonight, but he was already half asleep and couldn't move a limb, surely he'd be able to wake up when Cas would come up to sleep and he could let him take the bed then, yeah, he'll definitely be doing that.

He ran as fast as his legs would let him but the fire was spreading through the forest so fast, at this rate he'd be roasting in 3 minutes maximum, but he fought for his life, his lungs were already filled with thick black smoke making it hard to breath. He really had to get out there, e wanted to scream but the only thing that would come out of his throat was a low croak, he felt the fire getting closer from him, the soles of his shoes had already started burning, making it even harder to run, it seemed like his legs didn't even want to move anymore, like they were stuck to the ground but still managed to move very slowly. He couldn't see anything further than a foot from him, his surroundings hidden by smoke and flames when his head bumped into a tree and he fell on the ground

He could feel the fire melt his beautiful sandy hair, licking it's way to his face. He could smell the scent of his own body burning, if death had an odor, it would have definitely been the one of burning flesh. He could feel every single cell of his body slowly die. He wanted to do something about, but he couldn't find the strength to move, his energy fading out of him, the only thing keeping him alive was the intense pain he was going through. It was finally I, Dean Winchester was finally dying after years of suffering, he could finally be in peace.

He woke up screaming, sweat all over him, he didn't know if he was happy or not that he had woken up, it was a horrible death, but maybe it was worth-

"Dean ? Are you okay ?"

This voice.

This low rough voice, he'd heard it somewhere, but couldn't remem-

Fuck

Cas

Shi shit shit

He completely forgot -again- that the guy would be sleeping in his room. Big blue eyes filled with concern were on him, shining in the dark bedroom, moonlight touching Castiel's already pale skin, making him look like a celestial being.

"Yeah, yeah no um I'm fine"

"What were you dreaming of ?"

"Nothing"

"Are you sure, it really could help if you told me"

"I don't want to talk about it !"

He snapped, he hadn't planned on being so harsh, but hey, whatever could get Castiel out of his ass was good

Then he saw Cas's face, his head tilted to the right and those puppy eyes, god, he thought only Sam was able to make those work on him, obviously he was wrong, that son of a bitch.

"Look, he hesitated, I... I don't really know you, and I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable talking to you about my personal stuff, and uh, no chick flick moments, so, yeah"

Did he just fucking say that, that was actually the most chick flicky thing he'd ever said.

"My apologies Dean, I fully understand that you do not want me to help you with your problems'

Great, now he made Dean sound like a bag of dicks

"I'm sorry about the bed, I know I told you you could sleep in it tonight but I completely forgot and I was so ti-

"Dean"

"Yeah ?"

"It is fine"

"Oh... Well i swear on my baby that tomorrow you'll sleep in the bed"

"... You have a child ?"

"O yeah, right. No uh, it's my car, she's gorgeous"

GAaaaaaAAAY

"Oh all right. Well, we should try to sleep now Dean, it's only 4am"

"Yeah right, okay"

On that h wondered when he had o react like such a girl when Castiel was around, he wasn't even sure he really wanted to know. He quickly fell asleep because he did not want to go there, ever.

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Dean woke up at 10amand his room was empty, where was Cas ? Christ, he was up for what, 3 seconds and he was already thinking about him, Why the hell couldn't he forget the angel ?

Wait

ANGEL ?

Crap

He remembered vaguely, after the first dream, he fell asleep again and had dreamt that he was a hunter ? Yeah, that was it, a hunter, and he hunted with Sam, but, not bears and deers and the usual stuff. They hunted vampires and werewolves, wendigos ( what?) demons and other creatures, wow, he was so full of shit. And Castiel was there, he was some sort of angel of the lord (haha yeah bullshit), and he helped them on hunts, apparently he shared a more profound bond with Dea, what did that even mean ?He also might have raised Dean from the depths of hell, just when he thought of it he felt a sharp pain to is left shoulder, he lifted his shirt to see if he had a bruise but didn't see anything on his smooth skin. But the dream was all still a bit blurry.

He usually never remembered his dreams, hell, he didn't even remember the one he woke up all sweaty anymore, but that one was different, I was like, memories, stuff that had really happened, maybe in an other life.

That also meant he dreamt of Castiel after a day of knowing him.

He was so fucked.

When he got down stairs to eat his breakfast everyone except Cas was already sitting at the table eating Jodie's pancakes. Gosh how could he not have smelled them ? They usually were he only thing that could wake him up no matter how early it was.

He went to take his seat at the table, next to Sammy and Ash. Where the hell was Castiel ? He couldn't just ask, it'd be weird right ?

"Got your beauty sleep Dean-o"

Gabriel said while he was pouring a shit ton of syrup on his pancakes, man, that guy was messed up. Sam chuckled lightly at the joke trying not to show Dean he was amused by it otherwise Dean was definitely going to make him regret it.

"Yeah, well excuse me. This, he said pointing at his face, doesn't just happen. Maybe you could use some yourself. Where's the third one anyways ?"

He asked, trying to subtly know about Castiel's whereabouts without sounding like an overattached girlfriend.

"Oh, your boyfriend ? He usually goes for a run in the morning, he should be back in a few minutes"

Why did he say boyfriend ? Was it THAT obvious ? Not that he liked him of course, he didn't, he was a dude, right ?

"He's not my boyfriend"

He muttered as he filled his mouth with the delicious tasting pancakes. And ooh, he spotted some bacon on his plate. Aaah bacon, he'd do anything for bacon, and pie, god the things he'd do for pie. He was enjoying every bit of all the things that went in his mouth when he heard the back door open, he lift up his face to look at the newcomer.


	4. Chapter 4

It was Castiel of course, his tight white shirt kissing his torso in all the right places. He wasn't really what he'd call muscular, but he was toned and the shirt revealed some o his muscles. The run had made him all sweaty and flustered. Jesus. He could think of so many ways to get the guy in this state. He saw a bead of sweat slowly rolling down his throat, he could imagine his tongue there, licking it's way to his torso, really, really slowly, and then go to his nipple, making Cas moan in that low gravely voice of his, nibbling on it, he could feel his blood going south, making his groins stir, giving him a hard on at just the thought of licking Castiel's body. And the sounds, oh, he could clearly hear the sounds he'd make.

Okay, so maybe he had to admit, he kind of thought Cas was attractive for a dude.

Okay, he was one hot son of a bitch, and Dean's heterosexuality might have just been thrown out the window, but it didn't mean anyth-

"Erm Erm"

Shit shit shit shit

People

SHIT

Motherfucking people who were not him were still in the room while he was fantasizing about Cas.

WHY

He quickly put a straight face on and stopped starring at Castiel. How long did he stare at him ? He hoped it was only seconds but by the looks of eveyone's face it was probably longer. God fuck it, his face was probably beet red, he had to find something to say quickly or else he'd be totally fucked, he was already lucky that the table hid his raging boner, he quickly looked down to his plate and asked

"So, hum, what are we doing today ?"

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They had spent the day doing nothing, as usual. It's not like there was anything to visit in Lawrence, at least anything that would interest them.

They ate lunch at Hervelle's Roadhouse, which was Ellen's diner. They made the best bacon hamburger ever and the greatest apple pie he had tasted in his life.

Except his mother's pie, but it'd been a long time, he couldn't really remember what it tasted like, she had made one before she left on the day of her kind of took it as a sign, like she was telling him "I'm leaving, but never forget I'll always love you". When he was told she was dead he threw up everything he'd eaten the last few hours, which meant the pie. He should've known, he could've done something about it, could of warned her, tell her to stay with them and go shop later, but he hadn't and it was all his fault. So he'd tried to forget the taste of her pie, he now only had a vague memory of it.

All in all the day had been pretty normal, a part from the fact that Sam was starting to get along pretty well with Gabriel. He wasn't sure he liked that at all, but hey, as long as the kid was happy and not doing drugs with some evil chick, he couldn't really say anything.

Then of course, Castiel had just been what seemed to be himself, causing several other boners that hopefully went unseen. Dean couldn't hide it from himself, he obviously had some sort of man crush on Cas, and he hated every bit of it.

First of all, because he was a dude. He wasn't sure if he should tell Sammy. He usually talked to him about those kind of things, because it was the only personal thing he was willing to share with his younger brother since it wasn't too deep but was still intimate. What could he do ? The kid always harassed him to turn into a girl and talk about his feelings and shit rainbows and butterflies. He could at least give him that to get him off his case.

Then because he wasn't quite ready to admit he could feel something for a guy. But he couldn't really ignore what he was feeling, and it was putting his sexuality in question and it was so fucking confusing.

Yet here he was.

Taking a shower before he goes to sleep. Washing himself innocently when he remembered how Castiel had been all sweaty and flustered this morning. Making his dick rise once again. Since he was in the shower he could finally take care of it. No one would see him, no one would know, only him and his hand. He could get away with it once. He probably won't even like him anymore after that, because the tension would be released, usually worked with the girls, why wouldn't it with Cas ?

So he slowly slipped his hand down to his throbbing cock, grazing his nails against his skin, leaving light red marks on him. When it finally reached it, he ran his thumb around its head, wiping away the precum that was already there. A low moan escaped his mouth. He started pumping his limb slowly at first, then increasing the speed, setting a steady pace. Thinking of Cas, naked, his tight body against his, he wished he could actually be here, so he could feel the difference between a women's curved body and Castiel's firm one. To see how it'd be to have a guy kiss his mouth roughly. He wanted to feel his blue eyes and his hands roaming Dean's body, stroking his hard cock, twisting his hand every time. Just the way he loved it.

"Ca-as"

He moaned again, trying not to be too loud. People had heard him in the past, he couldn't let that happen now. His legs were already wobbly, he had to put his hand against the cold wall to support himself. God, the things he'd do to the blue-eyed boy. He could almost feel Cas's hot mouth wrapping around his cock, sucking him gently, his tongues doing wicked things to him. Dean would put his hand in the wet dark hair, pulling lightly, making him hum around his dick, sending heaven like vibrations to it. He was panting hard, his body reacting at every water drop touching his sensitive skin and his dick, his painfully hard dick. He was starting to lose control of his hips, jerking them up at each twisted stroke Dean's wrist made. Jesus if Castiel was here he'd fuck the guy so hard, burying himself completely in his tight ass, gripping his hips with his hands, digging his nails in the tender skin. Slamming into him, reaching his prostate at every thrust of his hips, making Cas forget ever single word except Dean's name that he'd say like a prayer with that rough voice he loved so much. He could even hear it in his head, he let out a low groan.

His hand was frantically moving up and down his length, he was losing his sight, his vision already going blank, he could feel it, he wouldn't last much longer, it was too much, he had to cum. Soon. He heard a distant knock on the door, but didn't pay attention to it, then he heard a deep

"Dean"

In that voice, that perfect fucking sex voice. That was all he needed to be sent over the edge, cumming all over his hand and the wall like never before, moaning loudly, dropping his head back in sheer pleasure. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, loud and fast. He was still stroking his cock, riding out his orgasm, which, if he had to be honest, was the best he'd had in long time. And he'd done it thinking about a man, not a woman, no boobs had been involved whatsoever, and that was saying something.

He heard a knock on the door.

Shit.

His eyes shot wide open (When did he even close them ?)

"Y-yeah ?"

He said, his voice trembling like a kid caught steeling cookies from the cookie jar because jesus christ someone was at he door and it was FUCKING CASTIEL, he hadn't just imagined his voice, Castiel had actually said "Dean", IN REAL LIFE.

Son of a bitch.

"Dean, Cas hesitated, are you ok ?"

Crap

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just getting out of the shower."

Shit titties fuck, had he heard him ? He hoped he hadn't, but how could he not have heard him ? Dean had completely forgotten to keep it quiet, he HAD to find an excuse for the moaning. Were there even excuses for when you got caught jerking off in the shower ? He doubted it. Maybe if he just left without saying anything he wouldn't have to explain himself

Yeah, he'd try that, what else could he do anyways ?

He got out of the shower once he was sure no traces of what had just happened were left, wrapped a towel around his waist and got out of the bathroom looking at his feet avoiding Castiel's scrutinizing glance. He felt himself turn red at the attention Cas was giving him plus the fact that he was a hundred percent sure that Castiel knew perfectly what Dean was doing in the shower.

He was finally able to calm down once he was in his room. He dried his hair with the towel and put boxers on.

He looked around his room and saw all of Cas's stuff settled neatly in a corner of the room. He couldn't help but see a small teddy bear with a red bow tie around its neck and a fez on his head. Wow, okay. so he was that kind of guy. It was kind of weird but cute in a way. He could imagine Cas going to bed with it tugged tightly in his arms, his beautiful face caressing lightly the toy's soft fabric, leaving his faint scent on the bear. Dean took a deep breath and opened his eyes (What ? They were closed again ?) his face was buried in the teddy bear, taking Cas's smell in. God, it was so good it made him feel like he was on a cloud or some girly shit like that. It kind of smelled like, a mix of musk, amber, and, was it vanilla ? He wasn't sure but whatever that delicious fragrance was made of, it was all Castiel and he loved it.

Soon enough he realised he was being really creepy and reluctantly put the teddy back in its place. He also reminded himself he'd have to ask the guy what that was about.

Castiel came in the room five minutes later in a shirt and boxer. His hair was wet and oh so fucking sexy, was that dude ever not hot ? Castiel's eyes immediately went to Dean's green ones, making something tingle inside of him, obviously that wank in the shower didn't change how Dean felt about Cas in any way, it might have even made the feeling stronger, more real, it was like it meant he accepted how he felt about him, even if he was still internally fighting about it.

Fuck

Castiel was still looking at him, he had to say something, anything, just to break the tension.

**So this was chapter 4, obviously, hum, i don't know about the shower scene, if it's well written, you know, if gives you that tingling feeling i know i usually get when reading those, but i've read it too much, so i don't really know anymore, i hope you enjoyed it. I know i hate it when it's not well written, so yup, okay, uh, chapter 5 will be up, during this week i think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, well I'm a bit late, i think, uh, yeah, this one is kind of short because of reasons, i hope you enjoy**

"What's with the toy ? Aren't you a bit old for this ?

He said pointing at the teddy bear in the corner of the room.

That wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind when he intended to loosen the atmosphere. Wasn't polite either but he could go with it, it was out and he did want to know about the stuffed animal's origins. Because why would a 17-year-old boy still hold on to a ragged old toy ?

It was a thing he couldn't possibly understand. His father had always been very strict and serious and as soon as he turned 8 he'd thrown all of Dean's toys because he was now supposed to be a man and those kind of things were for the weak, and he'd believed him, even if it was painful at first.

The minute he saw Castiel's face he regretted his words, his usually emotionless face was stricken by sadness. He hoped he wasn't offended or something. Why did he have to go and ruin things all the time ?

"It was a gift from my mom. She gave it too me when I was 5"

"Oh. Where is she ?"

He saw a flash of pain go through Cas's face again. Why did he keep doing that to him, it seemed like every word that went out of his mouth just hurt the poor dude.

"She's dead."

Fuck.

"Shit. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to.. I... I get it, you know, my mom died a few years back and I-"

"It's fine Dean. It was a long time ago.''

A heavy silence filled the room.

"How old were you ?"

"7"

"How ?"

"Cancer. When they found the tumor it was already too late, it spread so fast, they couldn't do anything except let her bear the pain untill death took her"

Dean didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. He knew saying sorry wouldn't help change anything, it never did for him. He just looked into Castiel's eyes, letting them speak for him, trying to show him he understood. He could see waves of sadness going through the blue orbs. He was probably thinking back to the time he was told about his mother's illness. When his childhood most certainly ended. It did explain a lot of stuff about the guy's way of being. Speaking and behaving like an adult. He probably had too help taking care of his siblings, like Dean did with Sam. Even if Castiel's dad didn't look like he handled his wife's death like John had. But he still looked like he had grown old too early. Way too early

Dean was still in his thoughts when Castiel talked

"May I ask how your mother died ?"

Aaah. So they were going there. He never talked about his mom, not even with Sammy. He just tried to avoid the subject as much as he could and changed the topic when people asked him what had happened. But it only seemed fair that he at least told Cas how she passed away, after all, he did talk about his. And he felt like Cas could understand and not be an adult about it.

"Killed and raped 4 years ago, they never caught the guy. Turned my dad into an alcoholic... He killed himself a year after her death."

"I'm sorry"

Dean saw something different in Cas's eyes, it wasn't pity, it wasn't the usual "poor thing" look people usually got. He wasn't saying he was sorry to be polite, he wasn't trying to change things. He wasn't sorry about his parents, he just genuinely understood how hard it was, and was sorry for the pain he knew Dean had endured. He was sad that Dean had to go through it, he knew how painful it was and wouldn't wish that kind of pain too his worst enemy.

"Thanks Cas, it means a lot"

That's when Castiel decided to brush his hand against the side of Dean's face burning every inch of skin through its wake, sending sweet shivers to his spine leaving him confused, flushed and completely frozen on the spot.

Why the hell had he done that ? Why was his face so achingly close to his and when did it even get there in the first place ?! He hadn't seen him move at all and now he was just a few inches away from his beautiful face and his FUCKING MOUTH, he could feel his breath on his motherfucking cheeks ! His heart rate doubled and he could already feel himself hardening.

What in God's name was happening ?!

Castiel's eyes were deeply looking into Dean's. Something had changed, his pupils were slightly bigger than normal. Wait. Didn't that mean he was lusting or some shit like that ? No, it couldn't. But oh Lord it was soooo hot, Cas looking at him like that. With... Yes, with bedroom eyes, last time someone looked at him like that he got laid.

But Dean had been thinking for a little too long and Cas quickly stood up, a bit disappointed. What was he thinking ? Ugh, he was being stupid, Dean couldn't possibly like him that way, and by the looks of his wide eyes, he was right. So he told himself that Dean's dilated pupils were only caused by the lighting of the room.

"Goodnight Dean."

He said in his low voice, Dean could hear his voice slightly tremble, but he must have just imagined it. Cas turned the lights off and went in the bed.

Dean wanted to say something, do something, he couldn't just leave Castiel like that after an intense side face brush or whatever it was.


	6. Chapter 6

**quick answer to the anon, uh, no, jo is jo, and jodie is jodie, and hope you enjoy**

He didn't know how long it had been since Castiel had turned the lights off because he was desperately trying to find something to say when he finally find something good enough.

"C-Cas ?"

"Yes Dean ?"

"I- I was wondering, uh, it's kind of cold here, on the floor, do you-"

he took a deep breath

"Do you think I could sleep with you ? Well not, sleep sleep with you, but just, share a bed with you, as in, two straight male friends sleeping in the same bed without it being awkward."

Fuck fuck fuck

Why did he say that ?!

He didn't have that in mind when he rehearsed it 9 times in his head. What the hell was wrong with him ?! Why did he always say something ten miles away from what he originally planned when talking to Cas ? He never seemed to be able to say something polite or reasonable or anything normal for that matter. And God, saying it wasn't awkward made it awkward. He couldn't just take it back now, Jesus he was so fucked. He probably won't want to talk to him anymore, even look at him, fuck what would he do ? He didn' wan-

"Sure"

"What ?"

What ?

Did he really just hear what he just heard ?

"I doesn't bother me if you want to.. sleep with me"

Dean was completely panicking now, Why did he have to phrase it like that ? He could hear the smirk and raising eyebrow Castiel probably had plastered all over his face. He made him sound like someone trying to hire a prostitute, and he was making a bad job at it. When did the guy even start saying sexual things, well, intentionally at least

He probably knew it wasn't cold down there, for fuck's sake he slept there last night, he's probably getting a kick out of Dean's embarrassment that sick son of a bitch. His brain had to stop being a bitch because it would have gone way better if he'd said what he'd actually wanted.

But

After all, he did say he could...

Did it mean he should do it ?

He still had time to abort, but he ached for Castiel's closeness, he needed to feel him next to him, he couldn't handle it.

Maybe he could try...

He climbed on the bed, slipping into the covers, trying to leave a respectable gap between them, not wanting to look suspicious.

God this was so awkward why did he have to always open his fucking mouth.

He could feel Cas's warmth radiating next to him, yet he still felt a thousand miles away, obviously because of the unnecessary large space he'd left between both of them. Maybe if he just tried reaching with his feet, just, there, yeah. And now move slowly his body, nope a little bit more, okay, now that was better, he could feel Castiel's breath ghost on is neck, his body only inches away from spooning with Cas, Dean's heart was stammering in his chest.

Could he try ?

No, it would be so obvious, he couldn't just move and press himself against the guy, it'd be like, harassment, he'd had an already hard time getting where he was, he wasn't ready to waste his efforts now.

But Cas.

Suddenly he felt Castiel's torso against his back, and then his whole body was in contact with Dean's, except for his hips and that was all Dean needed to do this one las thing, he slowly pushed his butt against Cas's hips (did he just feel something hard, no he couldn't have, no fucking way), causing is face to flush, his blood tension increasing even more, bringing blood too all the wrong places. He was panting again because fuck, when did cuddling become so intense and also how could Dean fucking Winchester be cuddling ? He never did because he wasn't a woman.

Castiel had even slipped an arm around Dean to hold him tight, Castiel's mouth so fucking close to his neck.

Okay, stop right there.

When and how did this all get so intimate ?! It was so fast yet felt so right, like he'd been craving for it is whole fucking meaningless life. He used to hate romantic feelings ans he still did, hoping,

no,

wishing he'd never have any in his life because it just be another way to get hurt and he did not want that. He never made love with a girl, he just fucked, no feelings just sex. He never stayed after a good fuck with someone. It was his way of taking his stress out without getting involved, sure, he accidentally used psychos that wouldn't stop trailing him for a month, but it worked for him so why would he change it ? But now he was fucking spooning with a guy he'd met 2 days before and it felt great

Why ?

He just couldn't, well, a part of him couldn't, that part didn't want this, it wanted to fight, or flee, anything to get out of this sick situation.

But the other part was responding in a whole different way, he wanted more, more of Cas's touch on him, yes, sexually but also sentimentally. He unwillingly loved the protectiveness he was getting from Cas. He felt safe for the first time in years. He felt like he could finally relax and let go. He didn't understand why he was getting all those feelings but he loved how they felt, feeling someone holding you so close making you feel important and keeping you alive. Because that was what he was doing. Dean had found something else than Sammy to live for, to stay tough for. He thought he could get used to this, falling asleep in Cas's tight embrace, or even staying awake in it. He was tired of pretending and might have finally find someone to whom he wouldn't have to lie.

"Dean ?"

Castiel asked, his lips brushing against Dean's neck. He could hear Cas's voice hitch slightly, he was only noticing now that Castiel's breath was ragged. He'd been too preoccupied with his thoughts to hear it.

He had to swallow hard, the thump of his heart getting louder and faster (was that even physically possible ?), he had butterflies in his stomach. Why did  
Castiel have to do this to him, it would only end badly for both of them, it always did. He turned to his other side, facing the dark-haired boy, seeing the beautiful sight that Cas was, his deep blue eyes blown with lust, his pink full lips slightly parted, his cheeks slightly red.

Fuck, it should be illegal to look like that. It wasn't fair.

"Yeah Cas ?"

He uttered, it was almost inaudible, but with their proximity it was loud enough for Castiel to hear.

"I know what you did in the shower..."

Castiel said with his thick voice, a small smile on his face, slowly licking his lips.

WHAT

Why did he fucking say that ?

He just...

Why ?!

It was horrible, and as much as Dean hated it, it turned him on so much, the way he said it, it only meant that Castiel had stayed next to the bathroom door, listening to Dean jerk off. Hopefully it gave the dude a hard on. He wished Cas knew he was thinking of him while he was masturbating. Imagining himself completely buried in his tight ass.

He needed Cas.

Now.

He had to feel his hands on his body, he had to sooth his craving, and only knew one way to do that.

He leant forward meeting Castiel's hot wet lips sending jolts of electricity through his body. Cas laid Dean on his back and went on top of him never breaking the kiss, straddling Dean, taking control over him, which turned him on even more. He ripped Castiel's shirt off. Then Castiel's tongues licked Dean's lips, silently asking for entry. Dean could do nothing but oblige, he wanted this so bad, he wasn't about to abandon it just yet. It felt so good, feeling his firm body pressed against him, so different from a curved body, but better, maybe it was just because it was Castiel and because he most definitely had feelings for him, either way it felt awesome. They were still kissing as he moved his hand to the Novak's disheveled hair, pulling lightly, a rough moan escaping the boy's mouth, sending a another rush of blood to his now very erect dick. Fuck. That voice, the things it made to him. His tongue was exploring his sweet mouth; tongues tangling and dancing together, trying to feel every inch of their mouths, teeth biting lips, low moans filling the air, hands roaming every inch of each other's body. He could feel his body firing up, every single nerves of his body on full alert, every touch made his body shiver, making him turn it into a puddle of sensations. Dean wasn't even sure where his tongue, lips and hands were anymore it was as if they had melted together, making it hard to distinguish which limb belonged to who. Sparkles ran through his spine, he could feel Castiel's cock against his, turning him on even more (a lot of new things seemed to turn him on lately) he pushed his hips up, trying to get some friction to his hard dick.

"Caaaas"

Dean moaned.

Soon enough they had to pull for air, leaving the two breathless. Cas took the opportunity to attack Dean's neck, sucking and biting the gentle skin, then licking the delicious purples bruises that had started to form.

"Fuck Cas !"

How did the guy know exactly where Dean's sweet spot were ?

Okay okay it's true the neck is sensitive for everyone, but I bet he won't know about the collarbone, Dean thought. As if Castiel was reading his mind (which wouldn't surprise him) he started sucking and licking on his them, pulling another needy moan out of the eldest Winchester and sending another rush of blood to Dean's now neglected dick. Cas started sucking on Dean's nipples.

A loud lustful moan came out of Dean's mouth as he arched his back in pleasure. He was loosing it. He gripped Ca's hair tightly trying to push his head closer, jerking his hips uncontrollably, trying to get Cas to finally pay attention too his painful cock. Cas seemed to ignore him and took Dean's left nipple between his teeth, biting it softly making Dean gasp. Castiel's hand went down to his stomach, and then a little further while he was still nibbling on Dean's nipple. He finally got to his destination, palming Dean's cock through his boxers making Dean moan again because fuck he'd been waiting for those skillful hands to get there for some time now. He pushed back against the warm hand, trying t get as much pressure as he could. Castiel then moved his hand away from Dean's dick, making him whine (which he would never admit) and started kissing and licking down his stomach, mischievously skipping his cock, and going down too his inner thighs, slowly planting kisses on them, making his cock painfully twitch at the closeness of his mouth;

Son of a bitch.

Was he satan ?

Castiel then proceeded to slip Dean's underwear off, making Dean sigh as the elastic from his boxer lightly brushed his dick, finally letting it free, Cas then took the shaft in his hand and started stroking it slowly as he lifted his head to look into Dean's eyes. As soon as Dean saw the darkened eyes he let out a deep primal groan. God those eyes, and his hand stroking him faster, is eyes never leaving his. It was all for him, he was the one making Cas look and act like that, not someone else.

Dean had to take him now or he'd explode.

In less than a second he lifted himself up, brought his lips to Castiel's into a sloppy kiss, making Castiel moan out of surprise and flipped them over, it was his turn to take control. He quickly ripped Castiel's boxer's off freeing his dick, it was so beautiful, pre-cum leaking just for him. He then put three fingers in Cas's mouth, making him greedily suck on them, his dick twitching at the sight. Oh just imagine how great it'd be if it was his dick in that sweet mouth... No, he had other plans for Castiel.

They were rocking their hips in a chaotic rhythm, filling the silent room with moans, ragged breaths and creaks of bed springs. Dea pulled his fingers out of Cas's mouth, feeling satisfied by their wetness and started teasing Castiel's hole, making sure Castiel was okay with this. He let a pleading moan out with his gravely voice, such an exquisite sound, letting Dean know he could go in because he wanted this as much as he did. So he started by slipping a finger in Cas pulling a sharp breath out of the smaller guy. He waited a bit so Cas could get used to the intrusion and then started to move his finger in and out of his ass. Fuck it was so tight and hot, he wouldn't be able to wait much longer, but he couldn't go in like that, not yet, he wanted to make this good for both of them. He wasn't going to hurt Castiel. He continued his prepping. When he felt it was loose enough he got a second finger in there, scissoring Cas as much as he could. He heard him let out low painful moans, he crooked his fingers and a loud moan came out of him.

"Deeeaan."

Bingo.

Prostate.

He couldn't believe he'd found it so fast, but hey, as long as he did it was fine.

He decided he couldn't wait any longer. He pulled is fingers out of Castiel, making him whimper at the loss, lifted Cas's legs up on his shoulder's (wow, he sure was flexible, did he do yoga or something ?) lined himself up with Cas's entrance and started pushing his cock into him.

"Deean, DEEEAN, DEAN WAKE UP"

Dean's eyes shot wide open. Had he been sleeping ? He couldn't have, it was so real, vivid, he could feel all of it, how could he have dreamt the touches ? He could still feel them on his body, they'd felt so good, how could his brain have invented all of it ?

And did it mean the feelings he'd gotten when Cas held him weren't real, the protectiveness, the safety, had he all imagined it ? Now that he thought of it, it seemed obvious he'd been dreaming, all of that could never have happened in real life, Castiel was not that kind of guy, he wasn't into Dean. Nobody could ever make him feel like that, it wasn't possible. Dean doesn't need to be held to feel safe, he's strong, he doesn't need to be protected, didn't need all that sentimental bullshit and wondered how he could have thought for more than a minute this was real.

But there still was one thing that was excruciatingly real.

His hard dick.

**well, h**

Dean was about to reach for his cock to take care of it when he remembered someone had actually woken him up. He tried to hide his boner as much as he could by covering it and tried to compose himself.

When he turned around he was facing curious blue eyes, which by the way, had a normal amount of black in them, but it's not like Dean cared about that anyways. It was just a stupid dream, right ?

Fuck.

"Uh, what's up ?''

He said, his voice more hoarse than what he had intended. He really hoped he hadn't moaned Castiel's name in his sleep, because if he had, well, he'd be fucked. But knowing his luck, Cas had probably witnessed all of his moaning and rutting his hips against a pillow (how the hell did it even get that low). Great, his first wet dream in forever and he couldn't even finish it (even if it was a bitch to clean), and to top all of that the guy he'd been dreaming of had seen him, things could not get worse. Well the could, and probably would, because he was Dean Winchester and nothing was just simple.

"I was asked to wake you up, but you seemed to be... Dreaming "

Dreaming ? Awesome. The look Cas gave him while he said that sent a rush of blood to his dick, he really needed to take care of it, now. Castiel really needed to leave, because he wouldn't hold much longer and he wasn't sure of what he might do if Cas kept looking at him like that. This was so embarrassing.

"Yeah I, was just dreaming. I'll come down in a minute, I just need to... get dressed."

"Of course."

Castiel nodded, but he didn't look like he was planning on leaving the room, he obviously had some sort of awkward moment immunity, and it was obviously not a good thing, because he didn't seem to recognise an awkward moment if it was right in front of him. God. It was too early for Dean to have to handle the guy. He just wanted to jerk off.

He sighed.

"Could you please leave ?"

Dean said looking and sounding as irritated as he could, Castiel's face finally burned up, ah, so his immunity did have a limit. Dean still felt kind of bad for being rough, but he didn't really have a choice.

"Yes, I can leave Dean, I'll see you downstairs."

Did he always have to say his name like that ? Jesus it shouldn't even be legal, that son of a bitch.

**ope it was hot, and yeah i know, the famous sex scene that's actually a dream, but i do what i want anyways, so, yeah, hope you enjoyed and it was good**


	7. Chapter 7

**okay so i should say i put what was chapter 7 before in chapter 6 because there was no point in doing such a short chapter, uh, yeah hope you enjoy it's kind of sentimental stuff i don't know if i wrote it well but, yeah did my best**

The rest of the week ended as fast as it came. They spent their time eating, shopping (Anna was really a persistent girl) and playing shit board games. Good old boring life.

Dean and Cas's friendship grew stronger and weirder each day. They didn't talk much, just hung around in the same room and spoke from time to time. They understood each other and didn't always need to voice their thoughts to be heard by the other. Their eyes were enough to tell what they wanted.

Even if Castiel had become a good friend he realised he didn't actually know anything about him, sure Castiel understood Dean like no one ever did, not even Sam, and he seemed to know what Cas was feeling most of the time but he still couldn't get why Castiel kept looking at him like Dean was the most wonderful and mysterious thing he had ever seen. He was at least definitely sure it wasn't because he liked him. It couldn't be. Cas wasn't gay, and if he was he could never like a rude train wreck like Dean, Cas was the kind of guy that had a perfect apple pie life. Liking Dean was obviously not an option. Yet he didn't look at Sammy or anyone else that way.

People around them seemed to be noticing the lingering looks and Dean's red cheeks. They made jokes about it once in a while, to loosen the atmosphere, because damn, it was impossible to be in the same room as them without feeling awkward about being there. As soon as you got in the room you got those weird vibes and you just wanted to leave, of course that wasn't possible because Bobby's house wasn't big enough for that so they had to try and ignore it.

Having to stand this... this game for a whole week was fucking exhausting for everyone. Mostly for Dean. He had noticed something different when he was around Castiel he felt good. All his life he had felt empty and alone, and Cas was now filling this emptiness, like in his dream. He felt safe around Cas. He could pretend all he wanted that he hated this feeling but deep down he knew it felt more than right.

He was trying to put a name on that feeling. Was it love ? He sure as hell hoped it wasn't, he wasnt a chick. But he still had to admit that this was at the very least a crush. How could he deny that he sometimes felt happy when he felt Cas's presence next to him. Of course those moments didn't last long, because Dean had to go and be himself and over think everything. Dean could never be happy, he didn't deserve it and only bad things could happen to him, after all he WAS a Winchester and feelings never ended well for Winchester's.

That was only the tip of the iceberg that Dean' problems were. Because sexual orientation ? He couldn't figure it out. Castiel was the only guy he had any kind of feelings for. Since Castiel's arrival here in Lawrence, Dean had checked out all the man he saw and he didn't feel anything. Thinking of having sex with them disgusted him. So technically he wasn't gay right ? He also still loved boobs, boobs were great, always will be, they sill made his dick kind of hard, but he find it more and more difficult to get a boner by just thinking of girls when the simple thought of blue made his cock rise in a millisecond.

Then of course he knew his feelings were unrequited, he had no chance with Cas, like he said, he probably wasn't gay. His dad was super religious and he was too, well not as much as his dad, but still, they usually were against gays. Maybe he just looked at Dean like that because he thought it was fascinating how someone could manage to be such a mess without breaking down all the time, which Dean actually wondered himself.

But now, lets pretend for a minute that Cas did like Dean. What would happen ? For starters he couldn't imagine himself in a healthy relationship, with a boy OR a girl. And even if Castiel was the ONE, it'd be weird. People always say they're fine with homosexuality, but until they face it they can never be sure. Dean never had any problems with accepting the gay community, he always joked about being gay himself, but now that he actually had feelings for a guy ? Well, it was different, he never thought he'd feel this, this was way out of his comfort zone, he was okay with trying silk panties on for a girl, but liking a guy ? It was different, it made it all real.

And ven if he did go out with Castiel they would never be able to go out wherever they want, there would always be intolerant retards. He didn't want to have to face people calling them fags, he didn't want to see the look of disgust in people's face even if he wasn't doing anything wrong. He could pretend all he wanted that he didn't care what people thought of him, it was still the most important thing to him, to keep letting people believe he was a normal happy teenager.

All this thinking got Dean in a love/hate circle. He liked the guy so much he hated himself for it, he wouldn't have to feel all this extra pain if he didn't like him. And why did Cas have to be this fucking attractive, why did he have to be so arousing in his own weird way ? It was all Castiel's fault, he made Dean fall for him. Dea, hadn't asked for this, he just wanted to passively go through his life, without having to deal with his feelings. And now he was stuck with those shit feelings that were making him happy as well as sad and he didn't know what to do with them. He hated Cas for inflicting this to him.

Luckily he only had to go through this for a week, then, no more Cas, no more striking blue eyes. He could finally go back to good old boobs.

Of course that was what he thought.

Once they got to the day the Novak's were actually leaving Dean was a bit more affected than he had wanted to.

He could already feel the emptiness take its rightful place back, tightening his chest, he was on the verge of tears, but he was going to stay strong. He did his best to hide his sadness as he looked at Cas one last time. He had so many questions, but the one question he wanted to ask the most was

"When will you be back ?"

Of course he never asked, he wouldn't show he was weak, he didn't want everyone to know how heart breaking it was for him to see Cas leave when he'd only known him for a week, but he could swear to God it felt like he'd known the guy for millenias. He couldn't even remember how he lived before Cas. Yes he was miserable, he still was, that he knows, but what did he use to do in his spare time ? He didn't know anymore, all his memories had been replaced by images (real or not) of Castiel, it was sickening really. How could his life be reduced to blue eyes and a rough voice ?

But Castiel was leaving, his bags had been made, there was no longer a mattress on Dean's bedroom floor. He could finally have his bed to himself again, the only thing left was the teddy bear. Castiel had left it on Dean's bed without him knowing, it was his way of saying goodbye, Castiel had never been good with words, so he thought he'd leave the bear to show him how much Dean meant to him. When Dean saw it there when he went to sleep that night he just thought Castiel had forgotten it and it didn't even occur to him that Cas had left it there on purpose.

All Dean knew was that Cas had left, just like every good thing in Dean's life.

The only one that hadn't left Dean yet was Sammy, but he knew Sam wouldn't stay long either,, he already had his plans to go to Stanford and become a big time lawyer. T

hey all eventually leave.

Dean had wanted to say so much more to Castiel, maybe even tell him what he felt, even if he still couldn't quite grasp what he was feeling himself, but he at least wanted to say more than the lousy "Bye Cas" he let out.

All Castiel had replied to that was

"goodbye Dean"

Without even looking at him, a sharp pang had gone through his body.

Oh.

**i hope this was good and made you want to die, if not i'm sorry, and idk, do you want me to continue this ? because i could end it now, but idk, i still might have some other things, just tell me what you think**


	8. Chapter 8

**okay just a short one (like all the other chapters actually) sorry i took so long, ugh had some problems writing the chapter because yah but uh idk how long next chapter will take but probably won't be out soon, still uh i hope you enjoy , kay, bye**

Soon enough Dean found himself in June, summer break was finally here and the last time he'd seen Cas was 5 months ago. Except it felt like centuries, because during those whole 5 months he felt the saddest he'd ever been in his entire life, and that was saying something when you were Dean fucking Winchester. The worst part was that he hadn't had sex since mid december, and for him that was like an eternity. He'd felt so lonely, and when i say lonely, i mean his only companions were his hand, a box of kleenex and a bottle of lube. He had reached a point where thinking of girls didn't even make him hard anymore, if he wanted to release he had to think of blue eyes, chapped lips, dark messy hair and an unfortunately firm chest otherwise he could stroke his soft dick for hours while nothing happened, not even boobs could help him anymore.

Never a moment passed in Dean's mind without having lingering thoughts of Castiel. He couldn't fall into a nightmare free sleep unless he was clenching Matt (yeah he had named the teddy bear, it wasn't weird at all) against his chest, his face tightly buried in the soft fabric. The thing didn't even smell like Castiel anymore, after all those excruciating months Matt had replaced Cas's odor with Dean's.

He hated it. All of it.

He missed Castiel so much, his wonderfull and innocent eyes and how they never left Dean, his hilarious way of talking like he was born in the 20th century, the cute way he tilted his head when he was confused or didn't understand something, he missed the way he said "Hello Dean" every morning in that marvelous raspy voice of his, he missed being able to be in a room with someone without having to talk.

He just fucking missed Castiel like he was one of his lungs. And because of that he wanted to forget him, forget he ever existed, forget how he made him feel when they were together, forget his eyes. But how could he when blue followed him every where ? He'd tried so many times yet he couldn't get him out. He tried to drown his sorrow in cheap girls. It didn't really work out well since when he tried to fuck one he couldn't even get hard, which was embarrassing enough as it was, giving him a bad reputation and making it even harder to try and fuck with girls. Now almost all the girls from 16 to 50 years old knew he couldn't even get a boner and avoided him like a leper.

With all this time on his hands you'd think he'd at least do something productive or interesting, but no. All he did was cry in his room or drive around in his impala listening to some music (also crying). He never spoke and was failing school. He had always managed to get reasonable grades so that he wasn't failing without having to work his ass off. But now ? He wasn't even trying anymore. He never really did care about his grades before but now that he was failing Sam always had a disappointed face when he found one of Dean's tests lying around on the impala's floor. The little shit wanted him to graduate even if he knew it wouldn't change anything because whatever happens, Dean knows he'll work as a mechanic in Bobby's garage when school's over in a year. Succeeding in school had always been Sam's dream, not Dean's, so why the fuck did he even care how well Dean did ? It wouldn't change anything.

Of course everyone who lived within a 10 miles radius had noticed Dean's "mood". Obviously they didn't talk about it, at least not with him, because he'd never want to even come close to talking about his problems, avoiding the subject by pretending (badly, Dean never was a good actor) that he was okay.

Except if you were a really stubborn moose, like Sam. He was getting more then annoyed by Dean's behavior, and seeing his big tough brother like that was the saddest thing he had been given to see in life. Today was the day Dean would talk about every single one of his problems to his little brother. It might sound bad put like that, but he had a plan, he'd go in his room and just... yeah okay he didn't have a plan yet but he wasn't ready to abort his mission. Sam was going to get to the bottom of whatever this was and do everything that was in his power to make Dean talk to him. He already kind of knew what the problem was, but he still had to hear Dean say it out loud because there is no other way for Dean to get better than by talking. Dean was obviously going nowhere by handling this the Winchester way so he'd have to handle this the chickflicky way or Sam was going to lose it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Omg hi sorry it took some time to update and stuff, still doesn't really feel right but yeah okay, well, here you go**

"Dean, can I come in ?"

Sam asked as he slipped his head through Dean's bedroom door with his puppy dog eyes. Dean had never been able to deny his brother's deadly weapon, and Sam knew that, he might be able to make him talk if he used them properly.

"Sure Sammy. What do you want ?"

"Uh, nothing, I just wanted to know how you were doing"

Sam sais hesitantly, he had to choose his words carefully, if he didn't, he'd be thrown out with a foot up his ass of his sibling's room in a second.

Dean rolled his eyes, would the little brat ever understand Dean wasn't the talking about feelings type ? He sighed heavily, getting in defense mode, ready to kick Sam out.

"I'm just fine Sammy. But I have homework to do, so if you could just... leave"

Well, obviously the puppy eyes didn't work. How was Sam even supposed to work with Dean when all he did was run away all the time. Well he wasn't going to have it today and he won't leave until that fucker gives him real answers because Sam's getting tired of Dean sulking around all day doing nothing. This train wreck wasn't his brother and you can be damn sure he's going to break all the walls Dean has built up during all those years and is going to put him back together because clearly no one else is planning on doing it, not even Dean.

"Seriously Dean ? You could at least try to find a better excuse, I know you never do your homework and have shit grades. I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on."

Dean was a bit taken aback about his brother's straight forwardness, he usually let go after the first attempt.

"Hey Samantha, calm down. I don't know what you're talking about, nothing's going on."

Sam granted Dean of one of is best bitchfaces, how could he say that ? How could he deny so easily he was broken ? God damn it, why didn't he want to talk.

"Don't bullshit me Dean ! I know something's not right, you've spent all your free time in your room. You're evidently not in there studying. When you're not in your room you're in your car going god know's where and, if I'm not wrong, you haven't slept with anyone since Castiel left. And Should I even start about the teddy bear ?! We know about it Dean."

Dean's face slightly twitched, Sam saw it. Bingo, he'd been right all along.

Dean turned his face into a smirk and he bared his teeth, like he was going to eat Sam in one bite. Sam wasn't going to get away with this.

"Sam, what makes you think I haven't had sex with anyone ? Since when do you even care about my sexcapades, last time you told me I was an unsensitive swine. And what does Cas have to do with me not getting any ? Can't a guy take a break once in a while without having his annoying brother bothering him ? And no, don't even start about the teddy bear if you care about your life."

"Dude, I'm your brother, I KNOW you haven't been having sex because you would never have sex in the Impala, you love her too much for that, I'm pretty sure it's impossible to have sex in the school. So that just leaves one place, and it's here. Lately no girl has been here for more than 5 minutes and when they leave I'm pretty sure they don't look satisfied, which has never happened before the Novak's came here, and I doubt it's because of Anna or Gabe because you've made it clear they're not you favorite persons in the world. Everyone knows that Castiel and you have some special bond and we saw how happy you were around him, he has definitely affected you in some... way, I just don't know how yet and that's what I'm here to figure out. And sure Dean, take a break whenever you want, but a break isn't supposed to last half a year."

Just then, Dean's face completely dropped, he was staring blankly at Sam, so well that Sam even wondered if he might have broken his brother, if it was even possible to break him even more in the state he already was in. Dean stayed silent for a few minutes and Sam was starting to feel uncomfortable, maybe even a little bit guilty.

"Look Sam."

Dean started slowly.

"What I do is none of your business and if you-"

"Yes Dean, it's my business, I'm your god damn brother Dean ! We're worried sick about you, I'm worried ! And it's never been this bad since mom-"

"Sammy shut the fuck up ! Don't you even dare go there, Dean snapped, don't fucking talk about her ! How could you even bring her up like that ? How dare you ! She was my whole fucking world, and she's dead, she's fucking dead. It was my fault. It wasn't as bad for you as it was for me. You didn't have a younger brother to look after, Dad never told you you were useless and a disgrace to this family, you never had to pick him up from the floor when he was drenched in his own vomit. You never had to clean him off or pick up all the bottles of alcohol from the floor. You didn't see your hero turn into a monster. It was easy for you. You forgot, you moved on. You didn't have to grow up too soon, you got to be a teenager while I had to be an adult, for both of us."

Dean screamed out. His throat was sore because of the yelling and because he wanted to cry. He wanted to lay down on the floor and cry. But he didn't. He had to stay strong, what would Sammy think of him if he broke down, he wasn't a pussy, he was strong and he wasn't going to cry like baby. It was the first time he actually said out loud how he felt about his parents death.

"How can you think it was easy for me ?! How can you ?! She was my mother too you know, I also loved her, she was also my whole world. You weren't the only one that suffered. Yeah sure, you had to take care of me but I was still there when Dad was drunk, he hit me too Dean ! What fucking makes you think I didn't have to grow up ? God Dean you weren't in my head, you know nothing about what I felt when they died. I didn't just forget or moved on, I mourned. Like everyone should when someone close to them dies, like you should have. It doesn't stop me from thinking of her every damn day. I still cry at night thinking about her, I still have nightmares about it. Pull your fucking head out of your ass and stop thinking YOU were the only one to get hurt in that story. For God's sake Dean."

Hot tears were trailing down Sam's red face. Dean didn't say a thing. Sam had obviously failed.

"Look Dean, Sam said, if you don't want to talk to me about it, fine, but I just think you'd feel better if you did, hell, you can even talk to someone else if you want. You just need to stop doing this to yourself, try enjoying life for once, nothing good is going to happen to you if you stay negative like this all the time, and it doesn't mean you have to forget her, it just means you need to accept that she's gone, John didn't, and look at what happened."

Sam waited a minute or 2 to make sure Dean wasn't going to say anything.

"OH and Dean, we're going to the Novak's in 2 weeks, thought you'd like to know you'd be seeing your boyfriend again."

Sam said with a little playful smile hanging on his lips. He looked one last time at Dean and left the room.

"He's not my boyfriend"

Dean mumbled to himself as he finally let his tears roll down his cheeks.

Unfortunately Sam was right.

Not about Cas being his boyfriend of course.

But about the fact that he wasn't the only one that had suffered from their parent's death. He had to stop being a self-centered bitch and start dealing with his feelings so he could finally move on after all these years. He knew it'd probably be hard, long and painful but he had to do it, even if he had no idea how to start. It's always easy to say you need to change but how does one change his personality ? Yet it was the thing he wanted more than anything, he wanted to be able to be happy and carefree again. Except he had no idea how to be positive, but he was going to do it, if not for him, for Sam.

Most important of all, he was going to see Cas again, just the thought of seeing his beautiful eyes again made his stomach flutter.

Maybe Cas was the one he had to talk about this to, maybe he'd understand since he's been through something similar. He was obviously happier around him, so why the hell not ? The downside of course would be that ranting isn't very manly or attractive, he didn't want Cas to see his vulnerability but he couldn't deny he was the person he felt the most comfortable with.

**so them going to the Novak's isn't my idea, it's from _shellydiann_, she told me and i thought it was an awesome idea so voila, it might take some more time for the next chapter to go out but yes **


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, here you go, i hope it's good, i feel like the tenses are so wrong, but yeah, uh hope you like it**

Dean had asked Bobby why they had to be the one's going to the Novak's this time because he was already dreading the awful moment when he'd have to take that god forsaken plane, really, those things weren't natural and totally not safe, how could people even go on those things without shitting themselves every time.

Bobby had rambled something about the Novak's not liking hot weather, skin complexion or something like that and Ellen and Jo were already there. Also their house was bigger so everyone would have their own room except for Sam and Dean, which meant he'd be sharing a room with Cas, what a coincidence, it was like it came out some poorly written romance novel or something.

Well, they obviously didn't have choice, but seriously, why couldn't they just go by car ? 2 days wasn't that long.

In the end they had all decided that for Dean's and their own safety they'd give him sleeping pills, that way he wouldn't even be conscious that he was in the plane. The only problem was that he WOULD have to get on it before he was asleep, and that would be the more, delicate, part. Dean had agreed, he didn't have much of a choice anyways, after all, the flight would last around 5 hours, and he wasn't risking being awake for so long in that machine.

During the two weeks before the trip everyone had noticed Dean being more cheerful. He wasn't in his room all the time, he occasionally watched TV with everyone, he spoke more, he even laughed, which was a big surprise, Bobby, Ash and Sam had looked at him like he was a unicorn and Jodie had just smiled a little bit. Overall he seemed happier.

xxxxxxxxx

When the plane finally touched Boston's ground Dean was the happiest person on earth, he had just spent the worst 5 hours of his life. The sleeping pills hadn't helped at all and Dean was wide awake during the flight. Sam of course was seated next to him and made fun of him for the first hour and then he got sick of it because Dean was sweaty, he had already thrown up around 2 times and every time the plane slightly tumbled he clutched Sam's hand with his wet one and kept saying they were going to die. A little girl had even started crying because he was scaring her.

When Dean got out of the plane he kissed the floor and thanked the Gods to have let him survive to this torture. He then quickly went to the bathroom to change and freshen up a bit. It was the first time since december he was going to see Cas and he sure as hell wasn't going to smell like a swine for it. He could already feel his heart thump hard in his chest, exactly like when he saw him for the first time. His blue eyes filled his hazed mind. His hands were trembling and his vision was getting blurry.

God damn it ! He hadn't even seen Castiel yet and he was already a mess, what will he look like when Castiel will actually be in front of him ?

He quickly ran some cold water on his face, stared at his reflection for a few seconds. Honestly he looked like shit, he had purple bags under his eyes and his face was still pale from the trip, since he couldn't do anything about it he gave himself a wink and left the bathroom with wobbly legs.

He had a hard time finding the others in the sea of confused people waiting for their luggage but when he heard someone complaining in a grumpy voice he immediately recognized Bobby. Some other guy had taken Jodie's suitcase by mistake and Bobby wasn't too happy about that. Luckily they had already taken all the other suitcases so they could leave now.

Dean was fighting with Sam who was teasing him about the flight when Dean caught a glimpse of beige in front of him. He stopped. It was him. Castiel. It was really him, with his odd trench coat, his messy dark hair, his electric blue eyes and his pink chapped lips. He was actually seeing him for real. Cas was already staring at him, old habits die-hard. Dean's cheeks turned red in a record time, he suddenly felt hot, too hot. He could feel his palms getting sweaty and his mouth go dry when Sam softly nudged him.

"Dude, you need to continue walking."

Sam said softly.

Shit, he looked at the floor and tried walking towards the Novak's without tripping, which was harder than it seemed. His heart was slamming hard on his ribcage, he could hear its loud beating in his ears.

When he got to Cas after what seemed like the longest walk he had ever had he shuffled awkwardly, scratched his neck and quietly said

"Hum, hey Cas. Ho- how are you doing ?"

"Hello Dean. I'm doing fine, what about you ? "

God his voice, he had forgotten how rough and sexual it sounded. He could feel himself getting aroused and after months of emptiness in his sex life he had to quickly think of something else or else he wouldn't be able to control it.

"I'm- I'm good."

Dean responded chuckling lightly.

Cas stared at him quizzically, his head slightly tilted to the right, like he was looking for something in Dean's eyes. Jesus why'd he have to look at him like that, like he's inspecting his soul.

"Hey Dean, can we also say hi to Castiel or are you the only one that can talk to him ?"

Ash said snapping them back to reality.

"Don't worry Ash, you can also talk to me"

Castiel said with a serious look on his face and suddenly they were all laughing, and Cas, well, he just looked confused, as usual.

Dean quickly said hi to the other Novak's he had ignored to that point.

They had to get to the house in two separate cars and Dean was really disappointed when he saw there was a prius and a Chevrolet. The prius was mainly the reason he was disappointed, he wish he could have taken his baby with them. One more reason to hate planes.

He went in the Chevrolet with Sam, Castiel, Mr Novak and Jodie, Bobby would be driving the prius (and was probably mad about it) with Ash Gabe and Anna.

Dean was stuck in the middle because his brother was a little shit and didn't want to let him go on the side. At least he was next to Cas, his left side was touching him, their hands were only inches apart.

"So Dean, what have you done since the last time I saw you ?"

Morgan asked.

"Oh uh, nothing special, just school stuff, hanging around."

Sam snorted and Dean quickly turned his head and looked at him with a pleading look, praying that he wound' t say anything. Sam just gave him a wink.

"I see, and you Sam, what have you been up to ?"

"Working for school, going out with friends, teenager stuff you know."

After that the ride just got into a comfortable silence. Dean could feel Castiel's body heat next to him. He wanted to do something, move his fingers slightly so they could brush Castiel's but he couldn't. He couldn't do it when people were there, also probably because he didn't have the balls. He took advantage of every turn the car took so he could touch Cas a bit more, maybe get closer, but it didn't help much. When he finally managed to gather the courage to quickly brush his friend's hand the car came to a stop.

They had arrived to a rather big house, with white picket fences marking the territory, red bricks, green grass, two floors and a wooden porch swing and. Typical american house.

"Home sweet home"

Morgan said a big smile on his face.

"Cassie, go show Dean your room and then both go to sleep, it's already late, you can show Dean around the house tomorrow. And you Sam, you'll be sleeping with Gabriel they should be home in a few minutes, they were just behind us but got stuck at a red light."

"Of course father. Good night Jodie, Sam. Come on Dean."

Castiel said politely.

"Good night Mr Novak, 'night Jodie, Sammy."


	11. Chapter 11

**This went out faster than what i excpected, hum hope it's not bad and uh i'll update, sometime, idk**

Dean followed Cas through the house trying not to bump into anything because for some reason Cas didn't want to turn the lights on.

"Jesus mother fucking christ !"

Dean cried out as he hit his right shin on a coffee table's sharp edge.

"Are you okay Dean ?"

"Yeah yeah, I just, why is that table there anyways ?!"

"There was no other place to put it."

Castiel said matter of factly. Dean sighed. All of the sudden Castiel was grabbing Dean's hand and pulling him with him.

"Just follow me and you won't hit anything."

How was Dean even supposed to follow him when he was holding Castiel's hand ? His fucking hand ! He almost couldn't even breath, why, why was he holding his hand, he could have just continued walking and tell him to be more carefull. What did it mean ? How could Cas just hold his hand like it was nothing when Dean couldn't even dare brush his fingers ?

Dean clumsily followed Cas to his room when Cas let go of is hand and opened a door.

Castiel's room was big. The walls were white and a white carpet covered the ground. There were no posters hanging on the wall, just a shelve with a few dozen books, a big wooden desk and a queen sized bed with a few pillows in the middle of the room. It didn't look like a teenagers room, maybe an accountant, it was so clean. It didn't actually surprise Dean to see how plain and mature his room looked like compared to his own.

A mattress was lying on the ground next to the bed with a warm looking cover.

"This is my room, you'll be sleeping on the bed, the bathroom is the first door on the left. Do you want to take a shower ?"

"Yeah, thanks I really need one, and you don't have to do that I can sleep on the floor."

"Dean, this time we'll have it my way, you sleep on the bed and I sleep on the floor, end of discussion."

Dean didn't say a thing because if he was honest Cas kind of scared him, and might have gotten him horny. He wasn't sure he wanted to see the guy get mad.

"Okay Cas."

Dean took his sleeping shirt and a pair of boxers and went to the bathroom. He quickly took his shower, getting rid of the dry sweat on his body. He didn't waste any time because he was tired because of the trip and didn't know how long he would still be able to stand up straight.

When he got back to Castiel's room he was still putting his shirt on and his pyjama pants were hanging low, really loww. Wow, he was exactly like he imagined, you couldn't see his muscles but he still looked toned and firm, he even had a cute little beauty spot next to his nipple. As his eyes got down Dean saw at least a dozen thin red lines all crossing each other on both Castiel's hips. Well he think he did... But it couldn't be, it would mean Castiel... No, no that wasn't possible, Cas wasn't like that.

Or was he ?

Dean thought that in each case he shouldn't say anything, at least not right now, because if what he saw wasn't what he thought he saw, he would then spend the most awkward 15 minutes of his life.

But if what he saw actually were scars... Well, he couldn't just ask him why he had them, not yet. And they were on his hips for a reason. No one was supposed to know or see them. And Dean didn't even know him that well. He probably didn't even consider him as a friend, Dean was probably imagining this friendship and he was most likely the only one that felt comfortable around the other, why on earth would Cas want to talk about it.

He decided he'd wait and see if he had the occasion to talk about it. Though it still hurt him that Castiel would do that. He loved him so much, he couldn't believe someone as perfect as him could do this to himself. He even wanted to help.

Castiel didn't seem to have noticed that Dean had seen his scars and tucked himself in his "bed".

"Can you turn the lights off please ? The switch is on the door's right."

Castiel asked.

"Sure thing."

Dean turned the lights off and went on the bed trying as much as he could to not step on Cas and he slipped in the cold clean sheets.

"Oh, Cas, last time you forgot your teddy bear in my room, I got it in my bag. Thought you'd want it back."

"Oh"

Castiel sounded surprised.

"Thanks Dean."

"No biggie."

"Good night Dean."

"Night Cas."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Castiel woke up he saw Dean's arm hanging from the bed, a few centimeters from his hand. Dean was so cute when he sleeped. He'd had a few occasions to observe him because he usually woke up before him and took advantage to look at how peaceful Dean looked like when he slept. Except that time he had a nightmare. Castiel felt horrible because there was nothing he could do but try to wake him up. And when he did wake up the look on his face was so desperate and lost that Castiel almost melted.

Castiel was sad that Dean had brought the teddy back. He had left it there for a reason. Maybe Dean didn't think it was that important. Maybe he should have told him it was a present and that he was meant to keep it. Throughout the years Castiel had never had a lot of friends, he had his siblings and Balthazar, but he was his cousin and... That was all. People were usually taken aback by his peculiar personality. So he had no idea what people gave to their friends. Because he considered Dean like a friend.

Dean was the only person, a part from his family, that he felt comfortable with. Really comfortable with. He had been thinking about coming out about his cutting for while but was too scared to tell. He was afraid his family would judge him and hate him for it, and since they were his family there was no possible way to avoid them. When he met Dean, he felt like he might be the person he could talk to about it. Dean didn't seem like he was the kind of guy that gave bad advice like "just be happy", "just stop" or "it's all in your head". Dean seemed like the kind of guy that could actually help and care.

That's why last night he gathered all the courage he had and only put his shirt on when Dean came in and had been careful to wear his pyjama lower. Hoping Dean might see them, trying to give him a hint, see how he would react. But he didn't say anything. Maybe he didn't see them. Maybe he just didn't want to get involved in that. Castiel couldn't know.


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay guys, well it's been a long time i didn't really have the time to write so yeah, and omg i re read the last chapter and there were so many grammar or misspelling mistakes, i swear to god i hope for all of your sakes that it isn't like that in every chapter. sorry but yeah here's chapter 12, hope you enjoy ? **

When Dean woke up Castiel was already gone, probably running like he usually did every morning -healthy freak-. He put a pair of jeans on and ran down a set of stairs he didn't even remember going up on last night, probably because of all the hand holding action that had taken place. Just thinking about it made his heart jump.

Dean didn't know where the kitchen was since Castiel was supposed to show him around the house today. He blindly followed the splendid smell of bacon throughout the house and when he finally got to the kitchen he was the first one there, which was weird because he was usually the last one to wake up. Only Cas was in the kitchen, making breakfast, ugh and the son of a bitch could cook, he was obviously perfect.

Cas was looking marvelous, since he was facing the stove he could see his toned back through his shirt, he had the back of a swimmer. Which explained the toned body. Then Dean's eyes went down to his ass, his oh so perfect round ass slightly moving whenever Castiel flipped a pancake. Dean didn't know how long he had been staring at Cas, day dreaming about that outstanding back writhing beneath him, shimmering with sweat...

"Are you going to sit down or do you want to eat standing up ?"

Castiel's asked, not even turning to look at Dean. How the fuck did he even know Dean was there ? Did he have eyes on the back of his fucking head ?

"Uh no I, I'll sit down"

Dean sat down his back to Castiel's because he didn't trust what other stupid thing he'd do if he still had Castiel's back in sight. He really had to start being more discreet, at this pace he'd probably be accidentally jacking off in front of Cas by tomorrow. And he doesn't even want to start imagining Cas's reaction to that.

Soon enough everybody got to the kitchen, made a few comments on Dean and Cas before they started to eat Castiel's pancakes so fast that in 10 minutes there were none left. They then had a huge debate to know what they would be doing today and they finally decided they'd just go to the movies to start off slow.

"Well it's decided we'll go see, the, uh what's the title again, the fast and the furious 6, at 2pm. Anna, Gabe and Cassie show the kids around the house and get ready to leave at 11h30, we'll eat at the diner next to the cinema, they have great hamburgers."

Mr Novak said.

Castiel sighed, he had never liked action movies, they only made him sleepy and bored. He had suggested to see Lincoln instead but no one else wanted to watch it, so he had yielded and said yes to fast and furious 6. It would surely be a long and excruciating 130 minutes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When they got to the movies they all sat in the middle row right in the middle, except for Cas and Dean because they were too many and they would end up on the sides if they went with the others, so they went a few rows back, Dean on Cas's left. Cas put his coat on his thighs and crotch, it was an old habit and settled himself on his seat while Dean was eating his popcorn at warp speed, the spots hadn't even started and he had already downed half of his popcorn.

They were 20 minutes in the movie and Cas could already feel his eye lids slowly shutting themselves when he felt a hand snaking its way down under his coat and on his thigh, to then slowly go back up on his quickly hardening cock.

What the fuck was fucking happening. Castiel looked at Dean. He was calmly staring at the screen and had his hand almost down Cas's pants and he just looked like nothing was fucking going on.

But oh lord, it felt so good, and he was just fucking resting his hand on his crotch, what the fucking fuck was fucking wrong with him. The hand then started to move and unzipped Cas's pants. Castiel dipped his head back so it could rest on the seat when Dean attacked his Cas's neck with his mouth sucking on the thin sensitive skin. Castiel groaned trying to hold back a moan. Dean's hand was now tightly gripping Cas's dick as he slowly started pumping it and twisted his wrist once in a while. It was all too much for Cas who had never been touched by anything else but his own hand, he was quickly rocking his hips in rhythm with Dean's hand. Dean could feel he couldn't hold on much longer and started nibbling on Castiel's earlobe as he quietly whispered in his ear.

"Cum for me Cas."

As he heard those word Cas completely lost it, shooting cum all over his coat and pants.

"Uh Cas, dude, wake up, you've been asleep for a solid 30 minutes. Your face is all red"

"What, what happened ?"

Cas quickly made sure his coat was still on his crotch because he had a massive boner and well, Dean couldn't know he was having erotic dreams about him.

"Uh no, yeah everything is fine Dean, I, just need to go to the restroom."

He quickly said as he ran out of the theatre. When he got to the toilets he splashed freezing water on his face and willed his boner away. Why the hell was he having dreams like that, ever since january he had been having at least 3 of them per week, all of them included Dean. It was sick and disgusting, Dean was his friend, nothing else, he couldn't let himself have those kind of dreams, and certainly not now that he shared a room with Dean. Castiel was such a disgrace, no wonder he didn't have any friends, it was his fault, why would someone want to be friends with a sick pervert like him ? He contemplated harming himself but it would be too dangerous, he'd get blood all over his pants and people could come in and see him, well, he'd have to do it in his shower tonight. He stayed a few more minutes in the restrooms to compose himself and got back to his seat next to Dean.

Thank god his hard on was gone. Dean looked at him with an inquisitive look and Cas ignored it, staring blankly at the screen.

50 minutes down, 80 to go.

**Uh yeah i know always with the wet dreams, sorry it's just i want them to be together but it's too soon, so héhé, yeah idk if it turned out okay i hope it doesn't suck too much i literally have no idea what i'm doing with this, sorry, i hope there aren't too many grammar mistakes, thanks for reading, next chapter will be up... some time.**


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